'Protect Your Peace, Sahil': Letter To Kashmiri Man Preparing To Marry

By Syed Majid Gilani

I have spent forty-nine autumns in Kashmir, and each one has left its mark on my hair, and heart. The grey strands I see in the mirror carry stories of patience, endurance, and the people who have shaped my life.

I have met kindness and cruelty, honesty and deceit, sometimes in the same person. I have learned that appearances are often misleading.

A public smile can hide a private indifference, even a coldness.

Sahil, you are about to marry. Marriage is a commitment that merges two lives, two families, and two sets of values. It is easy to be swept away by love, excitement, or family pressure, but the smallest misjudgment can shape decades.

Take your time, observe, and listen.

Start with the girl herself. Notice how she treats elders, how she speaks, and how she cares for her family. Watch for patience, kindness, and respect. Ensure her choice is hers, freely given. Pressure, obligation, or hesitation in her heart will eventually echo as bitterness in yours. Early clarity saves years of silent regret.

Observe her home, especially her mother. A woman often learns the pulse of family life at home. How respect flows, duties are shared, and care is given. These patterns shape future homes.

Beware of imbalance. Men I know have built homes and livelihoods only to find love replaced by material pursuit or indifference. Loyalty unreciprocated becomes pain. Care unacknowledged turns into frustration.

Examine her habits. Substance abuse or harmful practices may not appear in polite conversation, but they define daily life. Protect your peace, Sahil.

Love cannot thrive where fear, pride, or resentment exists. Reciprocity is the foundation of trust, and trust is the only currency of lasting partnerships.

Men who establish boundaries, expect respect, and insist on honesty often find stability. Those who tolerate imbalance slowly lose value.

Words are ignored. Kindness becomes taken for granted. Life is too short to be a provider without partnership. No one should rule your home through fear or humiliation. Love must be chosen, freely, every day.

Marriage built on honesty, care, and shared values can be one of life's greatest blessings. Marriage built on greed, lies, or obligation can slowly erode dignity and peace.

I have watched good men give their hearts, resources, and loyalty, only to discover they were merely providing. Protect your self-respect. Walk away if love and understanding are absent.

Sahil, step into marriage with open eyes and a calm heart. Choose a partner whose intentions are true, character is gentle, and love is real. Build your home on respect, honesty, and shared care.

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