The scourge of bullying

(MENAFN- The Post)

MASERU – THABISO, 17, dropped out of school in Berea after he became a victim of bullying. Because of his looks, Thabiso faced constant taunts by other students who labelled him gay.
Other boys would follow him to the toilet saying they wanted to see his private parts.
“I had suicidal thoughts but I couldn't go on with it because of fear,” Thabiso told thepost this week.

“It felt like dying, I saw it as the perfect solution to all the bullying,” he said, adding that the bullying continued for the three years of his junior secondary school.
“Yes, I am handsome in my own way and I have a soft voice but that doesn't mean I should be called names. It hurts so much and the pain cuts deep.”
“I was no longer interested in school,” said Thabiso, who ended up failing his Grade 10 examinations before deciding to quit earlier this year.

“I promised my parents that I will go back next year as I needed a gap year. It was just an excuse for them to allow me not to go to school. I swear I am never going back there. I would rather attend a vocational school. But I am not emotionally ready yet,” he said.
He said bullying in schools is not given the attention it deserves.
“It's there and it affects most of us. Not all of us are strong enough to handle it.”
Another victim, 14-year-old Limpho from a high school in Qacha's Nek also dropped out of school due to bullying related to her big body.
She quit last year when she was in Grade nine.

“When I passed by, people would laugh at me saying the ground shook when I walked,” Limpho said.
“People called me names and it was a hard time getting around. It got worse with my classmates calling me an improper fraction,” she said.
“They would ask me why I was not using herbex,” she said, referring to a weight loss herb.
“I couldn't take it and I dropped out of school without my parents' knowledge.”
Limpho said her father threatened to kick her out of his house when he discovered that she was bunking classes but her mother intervened.

Another bullying victim, a 22-year-old Lerato from Holy Family High School in Leribe, said she got bullied when she first had acne in 2014 and she thought it was a“hormonal or normal acne.”
“I still get bullied even now when I am at university,” said Lerato, who noticed she had developed acne when she was still in Grade eight.
“During my primary school days, people would avoid me or start spreading rumours that I was HIV positive and the pimples were caused by it,” Lerato said.

“Little did I know that it was the beginning of my worst nightmare,” she said.
She is now used to people starring at her and referring to her as Lerato e mona ea makhopho a nyonyehang (Lerato whose acnes are disgusting) as they stare at her.
She said she had no one to share her pain with as her mother was away working in South Africa and was hardly at home.
“I realised I was on my own and I attempted suicide by hanging myself. Luckily my little sister managed to call for help on time,” she said.

“Worse, when my father learnt about the incident he said he would not call anyone, saying I was already dead. He said let her kill herself. He didn't even try to find out why I did it.”
The more her acne worsened, the more she got depressed and bullied at school.
“It was painful physically and emotionally.”
She said her family could not afford the services of a dermatologist. She resorted to wearing oversized items from hoodies to bucket hats just to cover her face.

“Unfortunately, there were no masks back then. It was a nightmare,” she said.
Lerato finished her high school as a victim of bullying and her situation depressed her so much that she took three gap years after her matriculation before applying for university.
“It helped telling myself positive affirmations daily that I am pretty and I am more than my acne until I started believing it.”
She said she would watch videos of people with acne on social media platforms and it made her feel better.

“I started surrounding myself with people who didn't make me feel left out.”
These few experiences of bullying are just a drop in the ocean.
There are many children that are bullied at school and many of them do not report it.
A parent of a bullied student, Moneuoa, said her 10-year-old daughter exhibited many of the warning signs – depressed mood, school avoidance, hatred and lower marks.
“It started small with complaints of stomachache as her means of avoiding going to school,” Moneuoa said.

She said her daughter always came home either crying or complaining about bullying.
“I then decided to go to her school and talked to her class teacher who confirmed that my daughter was not the only victim. The bully was disciplined and things got better,” she said.
“I am glad I managed to help her before things got out of hand. Be involved and advocate for your child to empower him or her to stand on her own,” she said, encouraging other parents not to ignore the signs.

The Lesotho School Principals Association (LeSPA) secretary-general, Mathafeng Moteuli, said bullying is common in schools.
“It's a pity. It's not researched and documented but it is a challenge in most of our schools,” Moteuli said.
He said learners resort to bullying because of mob psychology.
“Some of them don't even report it but revenge physically, sometimes they stab each other,” he said.

He said they are still trying to control the scourge with the help of lay counsellors through counselling sessions.
“Our efforts are effective and it's unfortunate it's not practised in all schools. Culprits are dealt with and sometimes it leads to suspension,” he said.
The Lesotho Teachers Trade Union (LTTU) secretary general, 'Mamoholoane Folene, said bullying exists in primary schools even though they get few reports as unions.

Seed Consultancy Counselor, Nthatisi Machema, described bullying as an aggressive behaviour against others and can occur repeatedly over time in different forms such as sexual remarks, physical or verbal attacks and“it is a crisis in the country”.
“It can be caused by the need for power over the next person,” Machema said.
She said victims become socially withdrawn because of fear, which affects their concentration at school, self-esteem and causes mental illnesses.
“Victims often retaliate and become bullies themselves later on or abusive if the issue is left unresolved,” she said.

She said parents should be careful of the environment they raise their children in.
“Children often learn behaviours from people around them so if they solve their issues physically children take that unaware it is wrong.”
She said parents should also know their children's friends.
She said games showing violence“should be banned at home”.
“Gentleness should be instilled in children from their home to school,” she said.
She said in a week, she deals with three new clients of childhood trauma that amongst others include bullying in schools.
“In childhood therapy, if it's not rape it's bullying.”

The Ministry of Education principal secretary, Dr Lira Khama, confirmed the prevalence of bullying but the ministry does not have any anti-bullying policy as yet.
“It has not been brought to attention to deal with bullying,” Dr Khama said.
“But some schools which were witnessing what's happening on the ground were vigilant enough to make their own policies,” he said.

He said from his experience as a teacher, such cases were there“but they are under-reported because people fear victimisation and sometimes they even lead to suicide”.
He said bullying has become a norm and others become targets because of their physical appearances.
“Bullying is very serious but it is taken lightly just because we are Africans. It has become a norm and it affects mostly teenagers and it hurts them,” he said.
Researcher Dan Olweus revealed the widespread nature of bullying.

It involves repeated physical, verbal or psychological attacks.
Another researcher, Ramonki Seisa, in his July 2020 doctoral thesis said verbal bullying is very common and it occurs often in classrooms.
“Most schools do not have regulations which control students' general unbecoming behaviour and teachers punish incidents of bullying the way they see fit,” he said.
Seisa recommends that the Ministry of Education should“assess teachers' skills in dealing with bullying and supporting students' entire psychosocial development”.
He also suggests that through the National Curriculum Development Center (NCDC), the ministry should empower teachers in life skills education and follow up its implementation in all schools.

In his 2019 research on the ramifications of bullying in Lesotho's schools, Teboli Makafane, reveals that there are only negative impacts and ramifications of bullying such as school dropout, depression, poor school performance, suicidal tendencies, low self-esteem and revenge amongst victims and bystanders.
The study suggests that the“Lesotho government should come up with a policy to regulate bullying (approach) in schools”.

“The constitution is silent about violence in schools, the Ministry of Education is silent about bullying activities in schools, therefore (I recommend) that there should be a clear school policy which will advocate for victims, which will assist on the counselling of the perpetrators and victims.”
He said a life skills subject“should be compulsory in all schools and should have end of level objectives which include bullying and violence in schools at large”.
“The programme should start as early as in primary so that students have clear understanding of the definition of bullying.”

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