Trapped By Digital Web, Parents Are Losing Control Over Their Children's Lives

(MENAFN- Kashmir Observer)
Mother-Son: This is an AI generated image showing how mobile phones have redefined the bond between the parents and their children.

During the COVID lockdown, when the entire school system collapsed, smartphones became the only means of studying. During this time, when my younger son, Muntasir (I fondly call him Monty) was in Grade 8, he quickly hid his phone upon seeing me. It didn't take me long to realize that he was probably watching something unrelated to his studies, playing a game or something. When I asked for the phone, he gripped it tightly and refused to let go. Sensing the sensitivity of the situation, I chose to step away and leave him be.

I may not be a top-notch psychologist or counselor, but my credentials support the claim that I am fully capable of handling such situations. After much thought, I decided to approach my son again. Guilt was written all over his face as he lowered his head in submission, but I gently lifted his chin and asked him to look me in the eye. His tear-filled gaze told a different story, making it easier for me to begin my approach.

“Look, son, I'm not going to ask you what you were watching, but I can safely assume it wasn't appropriate,” I said to him calmly.

I explained to him that the internet is filled with content that can broadly be classified into two categories: constructive and destructive. It was up to him to choose which side of technology he embraced. Sitting beside him, I told him that life is like a beautiful carpet-it takes billions of tiny knots to weave intricate and meaningful patterns.

“If you lose focus today, all the hard work you've put in so far will go to waste,” I told him.

I neither took away his phone nor switched off the internet. Instead, I made him pledge that from that moment on, he wouldn't waste his life on trivial things online. In the end, I succeeded in bringing a smile to his face.

From that moment on, he never disappointed me. I never saw him using his phone for anything other than his studies. No doubt, he would watch other content on YouTube and elsewhere, but to the best of my knowledge, it was nothing inappropriate.

Overtime, he developed an interest in pencil sketching-and he turned out to be quite good at it. I was pleasantly surprised to see him draw portraits of Hollywood actors like Paul Walker, Alexandra Daddario, and Selena Gomez. Now, in Grade 12, he often stays up late into the night, preparing for his upcoming board exams. However, the leash is still on, and I'm not here to brag about how perfect my kids are. If they've chosen the right path, it's for their own future well-being.

Parents can be quite amusing. They often believe their kids are the best beings on Earth, proudly comparing them to the children of friends or relatives, saying things like,“You know, my son is the best, and he would never do this or that.”

Affection and love for children are like blinders, limiting the ability to see things from different perspectives. Often, by the time parents realize it, it's too late to prevent their child from slipping to the other side of the fence.

A family friend recently asked me to check on her son, who was preparing for his upcoming CBSE 10th exams. After a couple of visits, I advised him to focus on self-study rather than relying on home tuition and offered some helpful tips. However, during a follow-up visit, I found the boy struggling and instinctively asked for his phone. To my surprise, he refused to give it up, gripping it tightly. It reminded me of my own son, but since I had no authority over him, I chose not to press the issue. I left, realizing my previous efforts had been in vain. The mother, though silent, didn't shield her son and asked me to continue visiting. I promised to help after his exams, but I knew the real work was in his hands.

Such cases are common. I recently met another boy of the same age, about to appear for his CBSE 10th exams. His parents have completely restricted his internet access and asked him to study the traditional way. Given that he was being coached by two teachers, their approach seemed reasonable. I spent at least two hours with him, offering my best advice and counseling.

Strangely, I found his learning outcomes didn't align with his age or grade level. In private, he confided in me about his home, parents, school, and even his gym trainer. I shared the same carpet analogy I'd used with my son, and using various techniques I've learned over time, I was able to map his mind.

I left the house feeling satisfied, believing I had made a difference in the boy's mindset, and that my counseling would bear fruit for all to see. Before leaving, I hugged him, calling him my friend, and he smiled warmly.

Whether boys in this age group truly take advice or counseling to heart is uncertain. They have minds of their own, shaped not by their home or school environment, but by a small gadget in their hands-their mobile phone.

With phones having gained the upper hand completely, parenting or counselling has become a challenging task. Children, who once exhibited sobriety, respect, and obedience, now seem beyond control.

Complicating matters, many parents lack proficiency with mobile phones and often rely on their“tech-savvy” children for help. This dependence creates a misleading belief that their children are excelling academically-when, in reality, this is not the case. A recent study found that 85% of Class 3 students couldn't solve basic math problems, even though 94% of them had access to mobile phones.

The internet exposes children to diverse content, often unknown to parents. While vigilant parents may attempt to restrict access to smartphones or the internet, they must recognize that connectivity is pervasive. Even minimal exposure to inappropriate material-whether at the gym or a friend's house-can corrupt young minds.

Although children may feel smarter due to their engagement with technology, this often comes at the cost of their value system, which erodes over time. The consequences may not be immediate, but they eventually become apparent. In such a scenario, parents are reduced to mere spectators in their children's lives.

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