Healing In The Shadow Of Loss: A Dubai Author On Navigating Grief, Finding Hope Again

There are seven stages of grief, or so we are told. It starts with shock and denial, morphs into pain and guilt, flares up to anger before bargaining sets in, and culminates into depression. The thing about hitting rock bottom, however, is that one only moves up from there. Which is when the rebuilding happens. The pain does not leave, but makes room for reconstruction, which, in turn, paves the way for acceptance. And where there is acceptance, there is hope.

So, does this template of healing work for everyone?“Grief does not follow a neat checklist or timeline,” says Dubai resident of Pakistani origin Saira Sheikh.“People don't move through stages in order, and many never experience certain 'stages' at all. Grief is highly individual, non-linear and ongoing rather than something to be 'completed' in defined stages. Because expressions of grief vary enormously across cultures, personalities, relationships and circumstances, a one-size-fits-all model cannot account for this diversity.”

Saira has penned a work of non-fiction, Healing in the Shadow of Loss, that attempts to be a guide for those dealing with grief. The book is a result of Saira's own struggles with grief in the aftermath of her mother's death by cardiac arrest in 2019.“That loss was so devastating that every loss that had once felt significant in my life was now dwarfed by this overwhelming shock,” says Saira.“It felt like an unseen tidal wave crashing over me, leaving me lost, in despair and breathless. In that moment, I felt frozen in disbelief and desperation, my mind became flooded with memories of the past, tangled with dreams of a future I would never get to create with her.”

It's been six years since her mother's demise, but Saira felt something was left unhealed. In the book, Saira also talks about the shape-shifting quality of grief. When it does not manifest in tangible forms, it is internalised.“The passage of time is an opportunity to heal but not solely sufficient for healing pain, especially profound losses and deep wounds. Time can create distance from the initial shock and intensity, but without active processing, grief often just gets buried rather than resolved. The pain does not disappear, it can calcify, showing up in unexpected ways physically, mentally and in different behavioural changes. Without an outlet, the body holds onto what the mind tries to push away,” says Saira. She adds that grief is not something we“get over”; it's something we learn to carry forward differently.

At the time Saira experienced loss, she was also tasked with managing her life as a parent and wife. She recalls feeling as though she was being pulled in completely different directions.“As a parent, there's this enormous pressure to be the emotional guide for your children. As a wife, you're still expected to be the emotional barometer of the household sensing everyone's needs and continuing household work. As a daughter, especially after losing a mother, there's often this unspoken expectation that you'll step into keeping family traditions alive, maintaining relationships between relatives, being the emotional center that holds everyone united,” says Saira, adding that the relationships that emerge stronger from grief are those where everyone learns to show up differently in their roles, where love is demonstrated through understanding, patience, and shared responsibility rather than maintained expectations and judgment.

Because there is certain solitude to grief, the emotional cost is quite high. In societies where brushing these issues under the carpet is the norm, denial reigns supreme.“It is considered as something they should just 'push through' or handle on their own. There is this idea that needing help somehow reflects personal weakness rather than basic human vulnerability,” she says.“The taboo in South Asian society runs deep. Mental health struggles often get labelled as character flaws, spiritual failings or something that brings shame to the family. People worry about what others will think, how it might affect marriage prospects or whether they will be seen as 'crazy'. This social stigma can be more paralysing than actual mental health challenges.”

It's not always easy to be vulnerable - irrespective of the gender.“Vulnerability itself is deeply stigmatised in Pakistani society, where it's often perceived as weakness,” says Saira.“This cultural resistance to emotional openness creates an environment where examining one's inner struggles, doubts, or pain becomes almost transgressive.”

In Saira's own journey to healing, Dubai played its part.“Through access to therapy and the encouragement of Dubai's supportive networks, yearly events on physical and mental wellbeing, talk events by world renowned authors and motivational speakers, I discovered the strength to transform my personal healing process into a resource for others. The city's culture of opportunity and personal growth enabled me to find my voice as an author and advocate for mental wellness. This journey from private grief to published author, exemplifies how Dubai's unique environment nurtures expatriate voices and enables them to contribute meaningfully to global conversations.”

Saira also emphasises on the etiquette of mourning that centres on understanding that funerals and memorial services are sacred spaces dedicated to grief, remembrance, and spiritual contemplation. They are not social gatherings, to be seen, judged, or praised.“The focus should never be on superficial concerns like food arrangements by the family or comparing displays of emotions. For those attending, there are two essential purposes: to honour the memory of the person who has passed away and to provide comfort and support to the grieving family during an extraordinarily difficult time. An integral part of showing respect involves embracing the family's cultural traditions, religious ceremonies, and mourning practices, even when they differ from your own background or feel unfamiliar. Maintain sensitivity by putting aside any personal grievances, family disputes, or misunderstandings during this time.” Most importantly, says Saira, grief does not conclude when the funeral ends.“The grieving process continues long after the service, often intensifying when the initial support fades and daily life resumes. True etiquettes extend beyond the funeral by continuing to check on the bereaved family in the weeks and months that follow, offering ongoing support.”

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