(MENAFN- Kashmir Observer) Srinagar- “I didn't know men could also file cases,” said Sameer (name changed), his voice heavy with disbelief.
He recounted his descent into a nightmare: a once-happy marriage spiraling into a web of accusations, legal battles, and emotional turmoil.
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“Everything seemed fine when I got married in 2019,” Sameer recalled with a trembling voice,“but soon, my wife began exhibiting erratic behavior, psychiatric symptoms I never anticipated.” He confessed that this was likely part of a calculated plan.
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He realized his wife's true intentions over time.“She had always lived with her mother,” he said,“and marriage seemed to be primarily a means to have a child while remaining close to her family.” After their son was born four years ago, things dramatically worsened.“They began manipulating me, attempting to dictate the terms of our marriage.”
Despite his efforts to salvage the relationship, Sameer was blindsided when his wife filed a domestic violence case against him and his mother.
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“I had no idea this could happen,” he said. The legal battle spiraled out of control, tarnishing his family's reputation.“They even included my sister in the legal notice. The police, instead of offering assistance, unnecessarily shamed her,” he alleged.
The court proceedings further deepened his despair.“My in-laws presented a false witness, who later admitted to lying. Yet, the case drags on, and justice feels increasingly elusive. I feel disillusioned, betrayed by the very system I trusted.”
Sameer is just one of many Kashmiri men grappling with the often-overlooked reality of domestic harassment.
According to him, in Kashmir the silence of harassed husbands echoes louder than their voices.
The recent suicide of Atul Subhash in Bengaluru, allegedly due to harassment and false accusations by his wife, has sparked a national conversation about domestic violence against men.
His death brought allegations of harassment and false cases by his wife, Nikita, and her family to the forefront.
Pertinently, Atul was found dead at his home, leaving a note and video accusing his wife. His family claimed he was under immense stress due to ongoing legal battles, leading to the arrest of Nikita, her mother, and brother on charges of abetment of suicide.
In Kashmir, this tragic event has emboldened some husbands to finally speak out about their own experiences of abuse and manipulation.
Abrar (name changed) is another victim of alleged harassment. His wife's demand to move out of his family home and live with her parents became the primary point of contention.“I offered her a separate space in my own house,” he said,“but she insisted I either live with her parents, rent a place nearby, or build a new house. This was unreasonable and unacceptable.”
Despite numerous attempts to resolve the issue amicably, Abrar was eventually forced to seek recourse through the Sharia court. His wife now lives at her parents' home, and their 11-year-old daughter resides with her.“I pay Rs 15,000 monthly for her maintenance, but the emotional toll is immense. My daughter has become distant, and I fear she has been brainwashed against me.” Abrar recalled a heartbreaking moment in court when the judge asked his daughter his name, and she responded with her maternal grandfather's name.
“The judge was furious and asked where the child had been living all these years. When he learned she'd been with her maternal grandparents for five or six years, he commented on how inappropriate the values being instilled in her were.”
For Abrar, the entire ordeal has been emotionally draining.
“I just want to be a father to my daughter, but it feels like I am being punished for wanting to keep my family together. This isn't just about me-it's about the impact on my child and the values she's being taught.”
For Umar (name changed), the situation has been even more distressing.
After a visit to his in-laws, he was humiliated by his wife's uncle. The following day, he received calls from the police station and the women's police station, accusing him of defamation.
“When I arrived, my wife's uncle taunted me, saying,
'Gach
tsandun sa ladki'-'Go look for her' in a dismissive manner. I left feeling humiliated,” Umar said.
The next day, things took a dramatic turn.“I received a call from the police station, accusing me of defaming my in-laws. Soon after, I got another call, this time from the women's police station. It felt like they were trying to silence me and shift the narrative.”
Umar has been separated from his child for five months. He said that his wife uses excuses like the child's ill health to keep her away. His father-in-law further exacerbates the situation, openly boasting about raising the child and demanding exorbitant sums for her upbringing.“It's as if I don't exist,” Umar lamented.
“He openly warned me to use all my power. Then he handed me a list of bills, claiming the child's upbringing had cost Rs 22 lakhs. He included Rs 2,00,000 for milk and Rs 2,50,000 for air tickets for travel expenses, all to prove that they were raising my child instead of me,”
Despite the challenges, Umar said that he is determined to fight for his rights as a father.
“I'm not asking for much-just the chance to be a father to my child. But they are making it a battle over ego and control. My child deserves better than this.”
Dr Peerzada Merajudin, a lawyer who holds a doctorate in conflict studies, attributes the harassment to many factors.
He said that this sociological phenomenon arises when material culture-marked by rapid advancements like motor cars, modern facilities, and new homes-outpaces non-material culture, which fails to keep up.
“This gap affects the growth and adaptability of children, both boys and girls, as they struggle to align with changing times. This cultural disconnect often leads to disputes,” he said.
Another significant factor is the influence of contemporary serials, which also contribute to this issue.
He believes that newly married couples often need support from their in-laws, but instead of providing this support, disputes are sometimes escalated into crises by family members.
Dr Mehraj said that from a legal perspective, while laws like IPC 498A exist to protect women, these should be applied judiciously. Divorce should only be considered in extreme situations, as 99.9 percent of marriages can be saved with understanding and compromise.
“Matrimonial disputes affect both parties deeply, with men often bearing the brunt mentally and professionally. To mitigate this, fast-track family courts should be established to resolve these cases more efficiently.”
Badru Duja, an advocate who practices at the J&K High Court and sees matrimonial cases at family courts. He said victims typically fall into two categories : women and children, who are more likely to be victims of crimes. As a result, special laws have been created for their protection and these laws are being misused.
“In our society, certain individuals manipulate the law in a way that it benefits them rather than the intended victims”
“Women file domestic violence cases against their husbands, in-laws, or others. However, we rarely hear of a case where a mother-in-law files a case against her daughter-in-law, even though the law allows for this,” Duja said.
According to him, this lack of awareness or understanding of the law in family courts is a significant issue.
“Initially, the law only allowed women to file cases against their husbands, but over time, it has been misused. The Supreme Court and High Courts have ruled that there are situations where a daughter-in-law may file a false domestic violence case against her mother-in-law,” he said.
Duja said that awareness among men is also low, as it is deeply challenging for a man when his wife files a case against him.
“Men often find themselves in severe physical and mental distress, and they rarely have the power to counteract it. Even a small notice from the court can cause a lot of trouble for a person who is otherwise law-abiding,” Duja said.
“Men often find themselves overwhelmed when they receive multiple notices from various courts, police, and NGOs. This bombardment of legal notices can make them forget that they have the option to defend themselves”
Another problem, Duja said, is that courts are not proactive when men try to counter the cases against them.
“The court tends to believe the woman's claims without fully investigating the situation. Even though the man may have spent large sums of money on maintenance for the children or wife, years later, it is often discovered that the woman's claims were false.”
He believes that men, especially, have very few legal options to defend themselves and often get caught in a situation where they can't even properly present their defense.
“The process is so overwhelming that they are left with the painful choice of either paying a large maintenance fee or facing imprisonment, so long as laws are misused 'husbands' may continue to face harassment at the hands of their wives.
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