Children 'Calm Down After They Feel Understood,' Says Psychologist

Doha, Qatar: At exceptional circumstances when children are exposed to loud noises and distressing visuals, they might experience fear or anxiety and addressing these emotions is crucial to help them feel secure and understood.

According to Sidra Medicine Pediatric Psychologist Dr. Ifaf Asghar, how parents respond in these moments can shape whether fear lingers or eases.

“Children calm down after they feel understood, not before,” Dr. Asghar told The Peninsula, stressing that emotional validation must come first when speaking to children about wars or crises.

When a child says they are scared, adults often rush to reassure them with phrases like“There's nothing to be afraid of” or“You're fine.” While well-intentioned, such responses can unintentionally dismiss the child's feelings.

Instead, Dr. Asghar recommends acknowledging the emotion directly. Simple statements such as,“That sounds really scary,” or“I can see why you'd feel worried,” help children feel heard.

“Validation doesn't mean agreeing that something bad will happen,” she notes.“It means recognising that the feeling itself is real.”

Children's worries are not always what adults expect. Rather than guessing, parents should gently invite children to express what is troubling them.

Open-ended questions like“What part worries you the most?” or“What do you think might happen?” can reveal specific fears, such as concern that something could happen to family members, difficulty sleeping, or worry that no one would help in an emergency.

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By identifying the exact fear, parents can respond more accurately and prevent children from filling information gaps with imagination, social media clips, or overheard conversations.

Fear intensifies when children feel out of control. Re-establishing routines, regular mealtimes, school attendance, prayer, and bedtime can restore a sense of safety.

Dr. Asghar also advises parents to be mindful of media exposure.“Avoid having television news playing in the background,” she said. Constant exposure to distressing visuals can heighten anxiety, particularly for younger children who struggle to distinguish between distant events and immediate threats.

Predictable adult responses and clear boundaries around news and social media use provide reassurance that someone steady is in charge.

Beyond reassurance, children benefit from practical strategies they can use when anxiety resurfaces.

For younger children, this may include simple breathing exercises with hands placed on the stomach, drawing their fears and then drawing images of safety, or holding a comfort object.

Older children and adolescents can practice naming the feeling distinguishing“This is worry” from“This is danger” as well as grounding techniques such as identifying five things they see, four they feel, and so on. Intentionally limiting news and social media consumption can also reduce repeated exposure to distressing content.

“Giving children something they can do restores a sense of agency,” Dr. Asghar says.

Importantly, one conversation is rarely enough.“Fear comes in waves,” she said. Parents should make it clear that children can return to the topic at any time:“If you're worried again, I'm always here to listen.”

Dr. Asghar also urges parents to watch for signs that anxiety may be becoming overwhelming, including sleep disturbances, nightmares, regressive behaviour, physical complaints, avoidance, or withdrawal.

In uncertain times, she emphasises, children do not need perfect answers, they need calm, supportive adults who listen first, validate feelings, gently clarify misunderstandings without graphic detail, reassure safety in the present moment, and offer simple coping tools.

“Children take emotional cues from the adults around them,” Dr. Asghar said.“When we stay steady and open, we help them feel steady too.”

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