School comes with social politics, performance metrics and acceptable behaviour. As we navigate the learning landscape, there are two especially important tenets to hold on to: raising successful children without taking away their special spark and, secondly, ensuring that you are always connected as a family.

There are many guides covering the practicalities of back-to-school. But what I am about to outline will ensure that your child remains emotionally healthy and confident. Life is busy and we tend to forget so much in the doing. This is your reminder to hold on to what really matters.

1. Prioritise unrushed mornings

In the morning rush to get it all done, everyone is fixated on not being late. The result: a stressed nervous system.

I am not saying that being on time is irrelevant. It is just not THE most important thing. What is important: calm mornings with a connection ritual: a hug, a few deep breaths, an affirmation. Ironically, your child will be on time when you teach them to do things calmly.

Start the morning 20 minutes earlier. Let your child eat in the car. Or, let your child be late and suffer the natural consequences. They will learn on their own without you reprimanding or rushing them.

2. Remove academic pressure

Several studies, including a famous one done at Harvard, predict that the most important factor for success is not grades or performance; it is doing chores consistently. Instead of putting pressure on achieving arbitrary academic outcomes, teach your children responsibility and teamwork.

Give children age-appropriate chores. For 6 years and older: Pack your snack box , make your bed, do the laundry, help sweep, mop, clean, etc.

3. Make time for boredom

School days are long and then, extracurricular activities eat up the remaining hours. Children are robbed of the luxury of doing nothing. It is in this state that creativity and emotional regulation reign: to be free without constraints. There is discomfort in the beginning as your child demands entertainment. In time, they will ease into their own skin.

Clear two days a week with several hours of nothing scheduled. Teaching them to prioritise peace over productivity will give them a lifetime of health.

4. Connect

There are three crucial times a day when a child craves connection: as they wake up, after school and bedtime. Making sure that you speak to them or are with them for five minutes during each of these times, will ensure that they feel understood, safe and communicative.

Get into bed with them and hug them as they wake up, speak to them on the phone or pick them up at school, and create chat time before they sleep.

5. Teach them to answer back

Children are often controlled and spoken to in ways we wouldn't dream of speaking to an adult. If we want them to grow into people who hold their own and are confident, we must teach them how to command respect.

If they feel bullied or controlled by anyone, including you and a teacher or student, teach them to respond appropriately. Example: If they are screamed at, teach them to say,“Please say that without screaming.”

As they navigate the mini real world of school, ensure they have a safe space they can always turn to: you.

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