Insha And Unaiz: Caught In Kashmir's Marriage Maze

The matchmaker steps into the house once again, adjusting her dupatta and letting out a tired breath, a small sign of how familiar this visit has become.

Insha knows what comes next. She reaches for clothes that signal tradition, aware that this visit, like so many before it, carries unspoken rules.

At 35, she finds herself caught in a system that measures her worth through narrow ideas of marriageability that still shape Kashmir's social life.

The tension rises in her chest as the conversation begins. Insha's frustration spills beyond the room and into a larger unease with customs that leave little space for choice.

Marriage here often arrives wrapped in authority, guided by elders, matchmakers and long-standing assumptions about how a woman should look, speak and live.

Four years earlier, the matchmaker had crossed a threshold that reached deeper than Insha's home. Along with introductions came a list of instructions meant to improve her chances.

She remembers being told to control her laughter, limit her voice, and erase parts of herself from public view, including photographs on social media.

These changes were framed as guidance, presented with concern.“The list was supposed to make me more eligible,” Insha says, repeating a word that now feels heavy with judgment.

The process stretched on, one proposal giving way to another, each ending under a different form of scrutiny.

Over time, the strain settled into her body and mind. Insha entered a severe depressive episode that required medical care. The treatment altered her physical health, including weight gain, which she says only reinforced the feeling of being disqualified.

Wedding prospects narrowed further as health became another mark against her.

Marriage remains a central marker of social stability, particularly for women, in Kashmir. Families often weigh government employment against private jobs, inherited property against earned income, and appearance against ideas of respectability.

According to local studies and health professionals, delayed marriages have become more common over the past decade, driven by unemployment, prolonged education and economic uncertainty.

Social expectations, however, continue to demand early and ideal matches, creating pressure that many struggle to manage.

Insha encountered suitors who found her too modern and others who found her too plain.

Each rejection carried its own reasoning, leaving her suspended between competing ideals.

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