Letter To Editor: Why Gratitude Is Fading In Kashmir

Reading the Kashmir Observer editorial on World Gratitude Day made me think about a hard truth of human relationships. Many times, the very people you stand by in their darkest hour later turn against you. They criticize, oppose, or even malign you. It leaves a sharp question: should we keep helping when help so often comes back as hurt?

This is not a new struggle, but today's shallow relationships and social-media suspicion make it feel more personal. When someone turns against you after you have helped them, it is rarely simple forgetfulness. Help can create expectations you cannot always meet. When you stop, your limits feel like betrayal. Accepting aid can also bruise pride. What starts as gratitude can harden into resentment.

In competitive societies, kindness is sometimes misread as superiority. In Kashmir, where economic strain and social pressure are high, such reactions feel even sharper.

The pain of betrayal tempts many into silence. If kindness brings criticism, why bother? Faith and reason give a clear answer. In Islam, every act of service is recorded not on the recipient's tongue but in the Divine register. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said the most beloved of people to Allah are those who bring the most benefit to others. Morality says the same in simpler words: do the right thing even if no one thanks you. If we help only to be praised, it is not compassion, it is a trade.

Helping, however, is not blind charity. We need wisdom and limits. Not every request is genuine, and not every cry can be answered. Boundaries protect both giver and receiver. The goal is what I call detached kindness, giving without expectation, offering help as if placing it directly in the hands of God rather than the person in front of you.

Detached kindness lets you serve without letting resentment or burnout eat away at your purpose. It means giving within your capacity and choosing wisely so your energy stays strong.

History shows that helpers often become targets. Prophets were mocked by their own people. Reformers were resisted by those they tried to uplift. In Kashmir, volunteers during floods, NGOs supporting education, and doctors working through crises have faced slander or neglect. Yet their work saved lives and restored hope. If they had held back out of fear of betrayal, countless families would have suffered.

What deepens the wound is not only criticism but silence. Many who hurt you later admit in private that they were wrong but rarely apologize in public. The scar remains, but so does the reward. When kindness is seen as a transaction between you and Allah, the sting lessens. You stop counting thank-yous and start counting inner satisfaction.

Gratitude may be missing from society's lips, but the impact of kindness remains in homes rebuilt after floods, in students educated, and in patients healed.

We must help with wisdom and guarded hearts, but we must keep helping. The worth of service lies not in applause, but in the lives it touches.

Sincerely,

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