What My Therapist Taught Me About Love And Heartbreak

(MENAFN- Khaleej Times)

"I am in love.”

Dr Namdev always expects me to drop a bombshell every time he sees my appointment schedule. So, he swivelled in his chair to get the right angle of my expressions and harrumphed at the magnanimity of what I had just pronounced.

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“At this age?” He gyrated again, probably over the lingering discomfort of my opening statement.“May I know her age?” He failed in his effort to cover up the half trepidation and half glee evident on his face.

“Maybe half my age,” I said, with absolutely no play of emotions on my face, because I am at a clinic to seek help. Should a patient worry about telling his doctor he or she has piles issue or want a cure for a smaller chest? I thought I'm in a better predicament with love as my illness, so was as stoic as possible.

“Half the patients who walk through my door want their mental issues treated and resolved without revealing their issues. I appreciate your frankness and desire to get help.” One good thing about Dr Namdev is he isn't sententious.

“Doctor, having met some of the best doctors in Dubai and having hours and hours of counselling, I think I am my best psychologist.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because I fear I need medicines.”

“Suresh, to love is not a crime. Neither is it a moral offence, or a mental disorder. It's a noble feeling and in your case, I know where you come from. A loving husband, father and grandfather. The way you take care of your ailing wife is an exemplary example for others. I have always wondered aoffice and full-time as a caregiver at home, apart from the weekend babysitting.”

“I do all this with passion. I give my 100 per cent. But then this happened.”

“I understand dear. You don't have the time to get out, lie down on a sand dune and shout all your emotions to the full moon. You just wanted a small window where you can whisper and go to sleep peacefully.” The doctor had an avuncular charm to keep his patients feel comfortable.

“Where did both of you meet?” the psychiatrist continued to probe.

“We never met.”

“So, how do you talk, video calls?”

“No, on the phone.”

“So, you don't know how she looks like.”

“No, except some images we had shared.”

“So what do you chat about generally?”

“Life in India, why people hate each other, why Pahalgam happened, what's the matter between Thailand and Cambodia, will Ukraine ever have peace, will the world ever be free from Trumpism, why Kerala parotta with coconut beef fry and vegetable sadhya are the best dishes in the world.”

Dr Namdev sat motionless, like a Gandhi statue in any Indian town, hapless and forlorn.

“You said you are in love. So, how does Trump come into the picture?”

“She's hungry to know about the world. She would ask me to send short sound bytes about everything that mattered, including the Epstein file and breaking news like the recent Air India crash.”

“Love, as in agape!” Dt Namdev sighed.

“Any problem doctor? She loves me and the melee we both live in. I wiped her tears when she was agonised by the killings in Pahalgam where she had once visited. She loves humanity and I hold a mirror for her to see the world. I am her eyes, ears and voice. She is not in the business of breaking families but advocates love and cohesion.”

“So, what's the problem here? How's that affecting you?”

“Oh, she is getting married.”

“Now I understand. But is there a choice for you except wishing her a happy married life?”

“Sir, I am the person who forced her into accepting her parents' proposal, but as the wedding day nears, I feel miserable.”

“I understand what it's like but tell me more. I want to hear it from the horse's mouth.”

“I know what it is. It's pure jealousy and selfishness. I need to survive the wedding day. That's why I am here.”

“Going by your panic attack history, don't wait for the D-Day. Let me straightaway put you on Xanax, twice a day. But more than the medication, follow Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.”

“Who's that?”

“One who advocates to cherish grief. You both have a beautiful relationship and sadly, reality is forcing you apart. I understand the agony both of you are going through. That's life.”

“I taught her how to accept the reality. I taught her to be practical. I showed her a new dawn awaiting her. But God has turned the table on me.”

“Suresh, you need to read Kubler-Ross, the Swiss-American psychiatrist who developed five stages of grief. It's important you go through these five stages - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - to overcome your partner's wedding date and beyond.”

“While Dr Kubler-Ross was dealing in thanatology, the same principle is applicable in your case. You are about to lose your lover. Maybe forever. We aren't sure she would ever return, so it's time to reflect on the good times you both had together, the good times when you both prayed for peace in the universe and the hard times when you both paid tribute for terror victims.”

“I will miss her. More than a unique personality, she is such a good human.”

“Suresh, try and be in denial, throw around your anger, try and bargain with yourself, dive into depression, and finally accept the reality and move on. It's difficult but not impossible if you decide to cherish the grief. Keep her on a high pedestal, rever her love and care and cherish your never-ending grief. Memories will take good care of you.”

“You wanted a psychiatry column on cherishing grief, and I have delivered. Story, screenplay, casting, direction are all by Dr Namdev. Pay me more than my consultation.”

As I threw a flying kiss at my doctor and we both burst out laughing, wifey barged in to enquire:“What happened? Share the joke.”

“Mr Editor is in love with me.”

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