Beyond Lavender Marriages: What Queer Unions And Relationships Can Teach Us About Love And Safety

(MENAFN- The Conversation) Lavender marriages, traditionally entered into by LGBT+ individuals to conceal their sexual orientation, are on the rise , according to several news sources , with some even calling them a“trend .”

Historically, lavender marriages refer to unions - often between two consenting LGBT+ individuals - formed as a way of concealing same-sex attraction in a society where being openly queer could mean social ostracism, career ruin or even criminalization.

Crucially, they were not loveless. On the contrary, they were bonds of protection and safety between two people navigating the reality of bias, prejudice and discrimination of society and politics.

Lavender marriages can be confused with mixed orientation marriages, but there is a difference: in mixed-orientation marriages , partners have different sexual orientations from one another. That doesn't mean these relationships don't make sense - plenty of couples do well without sharing the same orientation.

But are lavender marriages actually making a comeback? The answer is complicated. While social progress has made queer lives more visible, many still fear coming out because of social, religious, cultural and political pressures.

Dating today can feel like a mix of endless swipes, red flags and shifting expectations. From decoding mixed signals to balancing independence with intimacy, relationships in your 20s and 30s come with unique challenges. Love IRL is the latest series from Quarter Life that explores it all.

These research-backed articles break down the complexities of modern love to help you build meaningful connections, no matter your relationship status.

The roots of lavender marriages

Nowhere were lavender marriages more visible than during Hollywood's Golden Age (1930-60s), when the Motion Picture Production Code - known as the Hays Code after the president of the Motion Picture Producers and Distributors of America from 1922 to 1945 - imposed restrictions on“immorality” and demanded that stars maintain a carefully constructed image.

For example, the 1933 film Queen Christina portrayed an androgynous queen who shared a kiss with another woman. If the film were released a year later than it was, the androgynous image and kiss would have had to be removed to comply with Hays Code.

Notable examples in Hollywood include actor Rock Hudson , whose studio reportedly orchestrated a marriage to shield his private life from public scrutiny, and stage actress Katharine Cornell , whose marriage to director Guthrie McClintic was widely regarded as a partnership of convenience that allowed both to live more authentically in private.

American actor Rock Hudson and Italian actress Gina Lollobrigida, stars of the film 'Come September,' pose for a photo in Santa Margherita Ligure, Italy, in 1960. (AP Photo/Remo Nassi)

Earlier still, silent film idol Rudolph Valentino faced speculation about his sexuality, and was rumoured to have entered into marriages that offered him protection amid tabloid attacks.

For these celebrities, lavender marriages were not only about survival in a hostile era, but also a way of retaining access to their careers, audiences and cultural influence.

Queer censorship today

It is unsurprising that lavender marriages have returned to public discussion, given that similar concerns of queer censorship are currently happening.

Inside Out 2 (2024) was rumoured to remove a transgender character to avoid international backlash, while Elio (2025) was also rumoured to erase queer subtext from the movie's final cut.

Censorship of queer culture is on the rise as political and social movements directly attack the LGBTQ+ community. Examples include book censorship policies , exclusion of queer art and rising violence against drag performances .

Read more: We must all speak out to stop anti-LGBTQ legislation

These realities were poignantly illustrated in the 2022 Pakistani film Joyland , which captures the grief and danger of living inauthentically when family bonds, social safety and political punishment are at stake.

Trailer for the 2022 film 'Joyland.'

Similar stories are surfacing in real life. In 2024, People profiled a 90-year-old grandmother who came out as bisexual after her husband's death, revealing their 63-year union had been a lavender marriage of mutual protection.

Another People story followed a woman raised in a conservative Mormon community who married a man to conform, only to come out at 35 and reconnect with her first love.

Even today, couples negotiate these dynamics in new ways - Business Insider recently highlighted a gay man and straight woman who married not to hide but to redefine love on their own terms, while rejecting the label of“lavender marriage.”

The pressure to pass as heterosexual - whether by marrying, dating or travelling with opposite-sex friends - remains a strategy of safety for many queer people around the world.

Lavender and lesbians
November 1971 issue of Lavender Woman, a lesbian periodical produced in Chicago, Illinois, from 1971 to 1976. The title comes from lavender's association with lesbianism dating back to the 1950s and 60s. (Women's Caucus of Chicago Gay Alliance)

The symbolism of lavender itself has particular resonance in lesbian culture. Throughout the 20th century, the colour became a coded reference to women who loved women, at once stigmatizing and unifying.

During the “Lavender Scare” of the 1950s, the U.S. government dismissed and persecuted lesbians and gay men in federal employment under the guise of“security risks.”

Yet lavender was also reclaimed as a badge of solidarity and resistance . Early lesbian feminists incorporated lavender into marches, protest sashes and art, using it as a way of asserting presence and pride in a culture that demanded invisibility.

The impact of concealment

Academic research consistently shows that concealment of sexual orientation remains widespread. A 2019 global public health study from estimated that 83 per cent of lesbian, gay and bisexual people worldwide hide their orientation from most people in their lives.

Research in Hong Kong found that concealment increases loneliness and diminishes feelings of authenticity, directly impacting well-being .

In Canada, a 2022 study of LGBTQ+ health professionals revealed how concealing one's identity shapes daily decisions about disclosure, often producing stress and internal conflict in professional settings. Bisexual individuals frequently report concealing their orientation to avoid stigma from both heterosexual and queer communities.

Read more: Queerphobic hate is on the rise, and LGBTQ+ communities in Canada need more support

“Passing” as straight is often a survival strategy shaped by stigma, with lasting consequences for identity, relationships and health. Lavender marriages remind us that queer lives have always been shaped by the tension between resistance and survival. Visibility itself can be an act of defiance, whether on a movie screen, in a march or in daily life.

However, visibility carries real risks: estrangement from family , discrimination or social backlash , political punishment or threats to personal safety . At the same time, concealment has often been a pragmatic choice to preserve dignity, livelihood and community.

Redefining marriage and partnership

These histories and contemporary examples reveal that marriage and partnership have never been one-size-fits-all.

For queer people, unions can be built around protection, friendship, parenting, finances or chosen kinship, just as much as romance or desire. To call them all“lavender marriages” risks oversimplifying the complex ways people craft love and survival.

Modern marriage is not bound by tradition alone; it is defined by the people who build it and by the choices they make to balance safety, authenticity and resistance in a world still learning to accept them.

This dual significance - lavender as both concealment and resistance - helps explain why the term continues to resonate today, as scholars, activists and communities revisit these marriages not simply as personal compromises, but as reflections of broader homophobia and gendered policing that continue to share queer history.

MENAFN11092025000199003603ID1110050557