How To Deal With The Imposter In The Mirror

If you've ever sat in a meeting or stood up on stage looking perfectly composed on the outside while an internal voice berates you,“You don't belong here”, you're not alone. At a time and place where ambition and achievement are applauded, many of us (women especially) are still privately grappling with doubt. Titles get bigger, the audience gets larger, but the inner critic stays the same. It's so common that this phenomenon actually has a name: imposter syndrome.

This is an affliction that doesn't discriminate. Business mindset coach Shelley Bosworth calls it“a persistent story that your success is accidental... luck, timing or other people, but never you.” The story is rarely true, but it's convincing enough to make smart, hardworking people turn in on themselves.

Here's a practical guide, grounded in Shelley's coaching, which can help you recognise imposter syndrome, understand why it flares, and build a calmer, stronger voice within:

What Imposter Syndrome Is (and isn't)

Imposter syndrome isn't a lack of competence, but the belief that you're not as capable as others think you are. It's the fear of being“found out” and often traces back to early narratives: be perfect, don't fail, wait until you've ticked every box. In fast-moving, high-visibility workplaces, that wiring meets pressure, and the inner critic wakes up. Shelley says:“If you can tell yourself a negative story, you can tell yourself a truthful one. We collect evidence against ourselves, so now start collecting evidence for yourself.”

When it shows up

. After a promotion or new brief: You earned it, but your brain whispers the committee made a mistake. So, you stall decisions, overwork, or say yes to everything.

. When you speak up, online or in the room: You hesitate, then someone else says it first. Cue:“See, you didn't have anything valuable to add.”

. When you“have it all”, a career, family, wellness : The optics are strong, the inner dialogue is brutal. The cost: burnout, irritability, and zero joy in your wins.

Why women feel it so acutely

Representation still lags in certain rooms; cultural conditioning rewards likeability, and social media serves a never-ending parade of curated success. The result? We move the goalpost for ourselves. Even senior leaders talk openly about waiting for the“jig to be up”. You're not broken, you're just human.

The reset: Shelley's five-step play

1. Name it. Don't entertain it

When the voice starts (“You've fooled them”), say out loud,“That's imposter talk.” Labelling breaks the spell.

2. Swap perfection for progress

Perfection is avoidance in couture. Choose useful over flawless: What is the next smallest, visible step? Do that. Momentum breeds confidence.

3. Build an evidence bank

Create a running note in your phone: wins, thank-you emails, projects delivered, tricky conversations you handled well. Review this before high-stakes moments.

4. Borrow a braver voice

Ask,“What would future me do?”, or“What would I advise a friend?” Do that. Compassion really is a better coach
than criticism.

5. Act before you feel ready

Confidence is the result of action, not the prerequisite. Speak up once in a meeting, submit a proposal, post the thought piece. And repeat.

A one-week confidence plan

Monday: The two-minute brag file

Start your evidence bank. Add three facts from the last 90 days that prove capability (results, feedback, problems solved).

Tuesday: One brave minute

Say one sentence earlier in the meeting than usual. Share a draft idea, ask a clarifying question, or summarise the room.

Wednesday: Boundary reset

Decline one non-essential commitment. Use the time to advance a high-impact task. Boundaries reduce resentment and amplify results.

Thursday: Reframe failure

Write down one recent“miss”. Now list what you learned and what you'll do
differently next time. Learning equals
real progress.

Friday: Future me check-in

Write a five-line note from 'you in 12 months' who did the scary thing. What did she stop believing? What habit got
her there?

Weekend: Nervous system care

Get more sleep, sunlight, and stretch! Less scrolling, more grounding (a walk, time with those who see you for who
you are).

Flip the script:

. When your brain says“Don't speak”: “I'll go first with a working view: here's what I'm seeing, here's the question it raises.”

. When praised (and you want to deflect): “Thank you, I'm proud of how we solved X.” (Own it.)

. When you don't know (and panic rises): “I don't have that figure to hand; I'll confirm by 3 pm.” (Competence isn't omniscience, it's follow-through.)

If you manage people, design meetings that reduce bravado and reward clarity over volume. Invite first-draft thinking. Normalise saying,“I'm not sure yet.” Celebrate iteration, not just outcome. The culture you build can either feed imposter syndrome, or starve it.

Remember imposter syndrome spikes when our nervous system is stretched. Practical wellness calms the signal:

. Sleep like it's strategy. Put aside seven to eight hours to rest each night.

. Move daily: a 20-minute walk is a mood regulator.

. Start rituals that settle the body : breathwork, a pre-meeting pause, lavender tea at night.

. Curate your social media feeds: add creators who show the messy middle, not just the victory lap.

Ambition doesn't require pretending you're unshakeable. It asks that you keep showing up while you're learning. As Shelley reminds us,“Everyone wings it sometimes. The difference is whether you see that as proof you're a fraud, or proof you're growing.” You don't have to silence self-doubt to succeed. You only have to notice it, name it, ...and move anyway. The more you act, the smaller that voice becomes. And soon, the life you're building starts to look and feel like it actually belongs to you... because it really does.

MENAFN11092025000049011007ID1110050249