A Life In Letters: From An 18-Year-Old To A Mother In Kashmir

By Tabassum Haroon

There are letters that live inside us, unsent, unspoken. They wait for the right time, for the right silence to surface. Mine are addressed to the Prophet (peace be upon him), written across two decades of my life.

One belongs to the young girl I once was, caught in the tumult of Kashmir in the 1990s. The other belongs to the woman I am now, in my forties, a mother with children of her own.

Letter One: At 18

Beloved Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم),

Growing up in Kashmir in the 90s is traumatic. Everything around me feels heavy and unsafe, and being a teenager only makes it harder.

My body, mind, and emotions are all changing, and the pain outside somehow echoes inside the house.

My parents' constant clashes add to the weight I am already carrying. I am always told to be strong, so I hide my tears and never let anyone see my pain.

Somewhere along the way, I learned that showing grief is weakness, that sharing what hurts me would only invite judgment. And there was no one I could really talk to: no friends, no relatives, no counsellors or therapists. Just silence.

I felt so alone, so lost. Even faith felt far away. Allah is always there. I knew that, but I was only taught to be afraid of His punishment.

And then you came into my life quietly, through a book: The Life of Prophet Muhammad by Hayek.

It was given to me by my cousin, and I didn't even know then how much I needed it. As I read that book, I felt something shift inside me.

You became someone I could trust, someone I could lean on in silence.

Through your life, I began to see Allah differently. Not only as the One who watches every mistake, but as the One who forgives, the One who heals.

At 18, I had no visions or dreams of you. Just knowing your gentleness, your patience. It was enough to save me.

You became the light in a time when I could have been completely lost.

With a heart still learning how to love.

18-year-old me.

Letter 2: In 40's

Beloved Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم),

Time has passed so quickly. It feels like only yesterday that I was a young girl flipping through the pages of that book which first introduced me to you in a real way. And now here I am, a mother of two teenagers: a boy and a girl.

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