The Thin Line Between Solitude And Loneliness

(MENAFN- Kashmir Observer) Insight: The loud, confident players who knew how to play rarely scored. I wonder what that means.

Back to childhood-I mastered enjoying my own company. Teachers would ask,“Are you a single child?” with pity in their eyes.

“Yeah.”

“That must be awful-you must feel so alone.”

I'd shrug it off playfully.

I had my ups and downs academically. I rose again.

By sixth grade, insecurities pushed me further into solitude. Not having manly hobbies meant I wasn't included.

What about martial arts?

Unfortunately-or fortunately (for him)-my cousin Iqbal became a national-level rugby player. He'd come home covered in blood. My maasi and mom were traumatized. So was I. Later, he attempted UFC but had to withdraw after a brutal match. The verdict was final: no martial arts, ever.

Knowledge Became My Refuge

In eighth grade, I joined Axiom Coaching Center. Javaid Sir became my mentor, and I fell in love with learning. Until then, my goal had been to come first. Now, I craved knowledge. I felt invincible.

Then came eleventh grade. My mental health collapsed. Depression. Anxiety. Overwhelming workload. Everything spiraled downward. By twelfth grade, I entered denial. I studied obsessively-perfectionism took over.

Online classes isolated me further. People reached out, but I avoided them. Meanwhile, I found solace in an online fan community for Jass Manak. I made friends, some of whom remain close. One, however, ghosted us all. That abandonment reopened wounds I didn't know I had.

JEE prep wasn't easy. I discovered I had ADHD. We moved again. I was lonely. Isolated. Living in a house that didn't feel like home. My 90th percentile felt like failure. I had no validation. No pat on the back. I lost purpose. I felt hopeless.

Then, Selena Gomez released My Mind & Me. Alongside prayers, it saved my life. It took months of struggle-arguments, breakdowns, even suicidal ideation-but I crawled out.

I started writing. Two books. More drafts. More ideas. I rediscovered music. I read. I prayed. Ramadan came. I passed an exam.

The College Realization

Then, college. Gym. Classes. Library. Studying. Healthcare. Writing.

One day, a gym acquaintance approached me:
“Brother, why are you always alone? You should make friends, explore, live.”

For the first time, I realized-I wasn't just alone. I was lonely.

But I also learned: solitude isn't loneliness. I'm still working on the balance.

I had been in talks with a girl who had a crush on me. We were set to meet outside the college library, but she ditched me multiple times. It wasn't a great feeling. I came back home.

Over time, I started to realize just how lonely I actually was. Everyone sat in circles with their friends-some played catch, some gossiped, some teased each other, some bought lunch for each other in the canteen. Meanwhile, I ate my boring sandwich while reading How to Manage Life with ADHD.

One day, while walking behind the chemistry department, I felt empty. I took out my phone in a failed attempt to call someone. But who would I call? The ones who were fascinated by me always gave me an ick. And the ones I wanted to be friends with were way too cool. I wasn't cool by any stretch.

I was sad.

I entered the physics lab and saw a welcoming face. For once, I made an effort to act nice. That familiar face is my friend Danish now. Danish has a lifelong best friend, Aabid, who's also my friend.

I had found my tribe.

Two days later, college shut down.

Overcoming the Cycle

We didn't get to know each other much except through social media. But I felt welcomed. Naturally, all the love I had never been able to give someone-I poured into our friendship. But in hindsight, I did it too much. I became obsessive. That triggered a cascade of different things.

Our path has been rocky-there have been ups and downs, moments of closeness, and moments of distance. I've struggled with balancing attachment and independence, with understanding when to hold on and when to let go. There were times I overextended myself, times I felt like I was too much, and times when I withdrew completely out of fear of being too overwhelming. But every experience, every challenge, has shaped me into the person I am today.

People like me-those who grew up in solitude, who never fully learned the rhythm of friendships, who were forced to navigate the world alone-often find themselves in this push-and-pull. We long for deep connections, yet we fear them. We crave companionship, yet we struggle with the mechanics of maintaining it. And sometimes, we oscillate between wanting to be seen and wanting to disappear.

But thanks to therapy, I know that now. I understand myself better.

It's only recently that my mentor and therapist told me that being alone can also mean enjoying solitude-the way I once did with Power Rangers, dance, karate-and not being lonely. I now have an entire toolbox that helps me form genuine connections with myself and others.

While I practice the art of being alone and having fun with solitude, I still struggle with getting completely obsessed with my friends. It's an everyday effort. I understand that it's a long path.

But social media and pop culture make people like me feel like we are missing out if we don't have friends. That being alone is depressing. That it's unlikely. People like me are seen as outcasts and aliens, further adding to the shame we've always felt.

Although I would like to mention-there's a thin line between avoidance (loneliness) and solitude . I try to walk it carefully.

And despite everything-the struggles, the setbacks, the uncertainty-I know one thing for sure: I am still here. Still growing. Still learning. And still finding my place in the world, one step at a time.

• The author is a Columnist

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