(MENAFN- AzerNews)
Moscow City University has developed advice for parents of
teenagers with suicidal tendencies. How adults can help children
not to commit self-destructive, auto-aggressive acts, not to die by
their own hands, and why terrible tragedies are increasingly
happening, explained associate professor at Moscow City University,
Ph.D. in Psychology Larisa Ovcharenko.
Suicide is second on the top causes of death among teenagers in
Europe. Some experts believe that the prolonged COVID-19 pandemic
is guilty, but teenage suicide was a problem before 2019 as well.
Larisa Ovcharenko, assistant professor at Moscow City University,
Ph.D. in Psychology said that lockdowns have affected suicide
statistics, but the main causes of teenage self-destruction are
another. Read on to know how to help children avoid suicidal
thoughts and actions during their mental and physical
development.
Why does a teenager decide to destroy
himself?
Lack of an inner core. A teenager makes the
decision to self-destruct because he has no inner support, this is
due to age specifics - boys and girls do not feel the value of
their own lives, and they don't understand how they can deal with
stress, sadness, and longing. Problems can be completely different
- unhappy love, betrayal of friends, a difficult situation in the
family, or bullying. At 13-15 years the object of love is deified,
and if something goes wrong, it seems a disaster. There is still no
life experience and understanding that feelings are important, but
people can survive them. Feelings here and now are more important
and the adolescent cannot handle the power of the emotional and
sensory experience that is thrust upon him or her. At this point,
the only solution seems to end life as the end of worrying and
unpleasant emotions.
No significant adult to rely on. It would seem
then that someone from outside should help, but who? In
adolescence, the parent is usually not the authority, the child
wants to show that he is independent and self-sufficient. Older
mates do not understand life too. The teenager is generally shy to
go to someone with his problem. A situation arises when the
schoolboy can neither help himself, nor ask for help, and is left
alone.
Family problems. In some families, the
relationship crisis is at the same time as the child is going
through puberty. The adult must cope with maintaining the family,
spouse, household, and work. Mom and dad simply do not have time
for the problems of the child, who begins to look for support in
the outside world, including social networks, where he easily falls
under the influence of liars, and 'mentors'. And children of this
age are led and trust those who understand and accept them as they
are.
Impairment. Parents cannot or rather do not
know how to support their teenagers, above all they are not ready
to talk about crushes, relationships, betrayal, and depression. The
easiest thing, in this case, is not to notice the problem, because
if it is not visible, it does not exist.
Adults understand that the first crush rarely ends a long
relationship, those old friends are replaced by new ones, but they
don't know how to convey this to children in a gentle way.
Teenagers who decide to open up to their parents about their pain
hear in response 'study better, stop screwing around'. These
phrases devalue their suffering, they hide their feelings and try
to solve the problem on their own. At such a moment the decision to
commit suicide comes to mind.
I don't trust myself and I'm afraid to trust
others. There are many competent psychologists in the
world who have the knowledge and skills to work with children.
There are even school psychologists but such specialists are not a
panacea as the root of the problem lies in the family and access to
it is closed; up to 14 years old psychologists can communicate with
children only with the consent of adults. Even if a parent brings
his son or daughter to the psychologist's office, he or she often
comes with the position 'cure my child, and I do not want to do
anything'. Although he or she needs psychological aid or knowledge
of the basics of the psychology of teenagers, tools to communicate
with them, and how to establish contact. It is necessary to teach
parents this.
Punishment instead of education. The system of
education is built on the feeling of guilt, the child has a strong
connection that the offense is always followed by punishment. A
clear connection is fixed in the brain: I am guilty, I must be
punished. And children start destroying themselves, making cuts on
their bodies, thinking about suicide and romanticizing it: 'I will
freeze my finger off to spite my mother, she will finally love me
when I die, or when I am gone, she will understand everything'.
If parents pay attention to the child when he was only spoiling,
naturally, negatively, then self-torture will be an attempt to feel
loved. Such behavior can be followed by suicide. Parents, teachers,
coaches, and psychologists should pay attention to cuts, and
bruises on a teenager's body, especially if they are
systematic.
To remove the child's guilt for the mistakes that everyone makes
at any age, the most important thing that all adults need to learn
is not to punish, it is necessary to explain, even if a hundred
times, but to explain how to act differently in this situation.
Only in this way the teenager does not feel guilty. He will begin
to gain experience and make independent decisions in a balanced and
thoughtful way.
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